Weendows of mistakes # 1


I woke up from a horrible dream of Ekta Kkaaappooorr to some voices. At first what seemed like a box, it started meddling and jumping around.
A box! Awfully awake in a sudden pinch of amazement, my eyes opened to 180 degree hoping to find reality in the para visioning aperture. No use. It didn’t stop what it was doing. Leapfrogging my room.

Gathering some courage, I got up, yanked my self out of bed and tried to get off the room. The Thing sprang into action and blocked my way in tandem. Before I began comprehending what can that humansize box may be, it started unwinding and unhinging itself. I was put to the most horrific experience till date. May be I am going to have a devil right away in my home and (H)india TV is going to have another story for its audience.

The Thing™ kept unfolding itself, systematically tearing off the pieces. A Ghost? Devil? My Manager? AT last, I saw it.

The Shining surface of The Thing™ reflected in the sunlit room. It was so gorgeous to look upon. Couldnt believe at first it is a ROBOT! I’ve got an Iron Man snail mailed to my room this morning!

It had even a display at the chest. Suddenly a prompt appeared on the screen, and something like loading bar started filling out. The Thing™ was booting up!!

A message appeared next,

“Press nose, left ear and head to begin.”

For some reason it felt terribly familiar. Anyhow, slave of my bewilderment, I did. A message flashed next on the screen :

“Welcome and congratulations for choosing Huma(n)bot 1.5. Powered by Meecrosoft Weendows Xp, the amazing performancesm brought at your doorstep. Press start to begin.”

Now it wasnt awful anymore. Rather it was getting creepy. The only thing I saw running Meecrosoft Weendows XP were the 64 MB super slow computers of my school. Can it run this much a big thing? It looks clear, beautiful, so windows like. 😉
I guess, I will want to go dream Ektaa Kkkappooorr Anytime again. 😀

I pressed start button. Nothing happened. A message appeared
“hourglassing. Please wait…”

“Hourglassing is a revolutionary Meecrosoft Weendows Feature that helps you make coffee, get sleep and go on for a walk, while meecrosoft loads a website for you. At meecrosoft we call this Randomizing Behaviour Sequencing technology.”
So weendows like, all big names!

Atlast I saw it working! It blurted out :

“Hello, Master. How may I help you?”

“What can you do? What do I call you?” I said, still perplexed what use a weendows running 1 ton crap can be put use to.

“My OS can work out your reports, check mail, make you coffee, manage multimedia, networking and drive you to office.”

“Can you clean my toilet?”

“Fatal Exception occurred. You are requested to strike a sledge hammer if it doesnot respond. Please do not click on Don’t send error report if at all you see the dialogue box. ”
It explains why everything Meecrosoft gets from customers are just frustrating reports of error dumps. 😀

I went on to reboot it several times to atlast get it to speak again. I tested it with making coffee for me, which, it eventually did, almost right. If we leave the sugar-replaced-by-salt thing. 😉

In evening, I again ordered it to make a coffee for me. I was this close to beat this thing in rubbles, when the screen flashed the message like :

“Your Coffee Maker 0.0.0.0.1 Always-Beta version is expired. Please buy the full version or get the hell outta here!”

To be continued… 🙂

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13 thoughts on “Weendows of mistakes # 1

  1. Hahahaha…

    Beautiful article….i hope..u mite have used (A)SQ(UE)(A)L to (W)rite (D)is (O)ne… 😉

    I felt as if Windows launched XP-RO-the robot version…can’t take the Windows thing ne more…Remember da song here…Saari Umra Hum Windows mai Ji Liye…Ab 1 Baar to Hume Linux lene do….Mac de re..Mac de re…Hum Sabko Mac de…..Aahaa…. lol..

    Coming to the piece,it was a nicely written one and good use of words..though the HumunBot didn’t speak much…lol…

    Will wanna see the Linux/Unix/Solaris/Mac Robo for the next piece 😉

    Waiting for the Next One!!!

    Regards,
    Amey

  2. Chirag, I admire your love for writing but if at all i could dare to advice dont use so much of vocabulary it becomes cheezy and more over its evident that you are doing it deiberately.

  3. Writeup was nicely written , kept interest till the last… just work a bit on vocab while adding humur to text … 🙂

  4. Pingback: Top Bollywood Trends # 1 « When It's All Done!

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