Top Bollywood Trends # 1

Writers Disclaimer : All the content below are extremely real, and my own ideas about the content. All the offence and crap, well, my pleasure. πŸ™‚
Top Bollywood Trends :

For last couple of days, I was closely following the changing trends of Bollywood. Eclipsed and capsuled wih changes of aforesaid 21st Century, the Bollywood today is not something which it was like 5 years before. It was BOLLYWOOD back then, it is ASS-HOLE-YWOOD now. So, like all other uproaring blogs about the cheap shit we go to watch in expensive theatres, I decided to write something about it, and what better to write than the recent build ups in the chain! So, off we go :
** Palindromes **
Our Top Not-At-All-Important-News gathering Agency “India TV” has been allededly telecasting a special investigation report about the new trends in the bollywood songs. The Report states that according the new pattern they’ve deciphered, the songs closely follow a mathematical concept called Palindrome strings, which is something same no matter you read it from right or left. Like MALYALAM and Our political Leaders (pun intended in the sense of right and left).
The News channel was constantly looping a song in program labelling it the best example of the said scene :
Tere Mast Mast do Nain, Mere Dil ka le gaye Chain, Mere dil ka le gaye Chain, Tere mast mast do nain.”
Pretty obvious to spot the 1-2-2-1 thing, eh? πŸ˜‰
That’s what we need analysts and MBA’s for I guess. πŸ˜€
Meanwhile some singers, particularly NASAL singers have objected to the study stating that there are too much exceptions to the much debated theory. A singer told us :
“It’s a fuss! I dont follow THAT while singing. My songs are only based on one word or two, as opposed to their one or two sentences. See, there are no palindromes in my songs.” I’d rather say, ” There are no accidents.” Too bad it’s not true, though. πŸ˜›
On the other hand of the story, the Movie Directors and producers have decided to cut on the salaries of Lyricist, reasoning
“If it’s about a word or two, heck we know we can do it as good as they can.”
Till now, the lyricists have warned about a hunger strike.
** Robot **
The 231st most anticipated movie (:D) of the millenium, ROBOT, is all set to release soon. The movie is so hyped that many directors have revealed their plans to remake it in advance. We talked with one such Director-Actor-Producer-Choreographer-Singer-Screenplay-Writer-Dialogue Lead, Mr Reshmiya.
“Mr. Rajni has always been an inspiration to me. It will be great to watch someone acting like a Robot, who knows acting. I think we will also do pretty good about it in our remake, because, I, even in the real life get compliments that my expressions are robotic and face expressionless. We are very excited about carrying it ASAP. One should always look to convert weeknesses in USP. Here in this case, it’s acting.”
Well, finally something where he’s upto the mark, I guess. So, We wish him good luck!
** Softwares **
Rumors have been rife last couple of days about a Big Fish from bollywood (sorry, ASS-HOLE-YWOOD) have contacted a big software company about making a software tool for them.
Though, we couldn’t confirm much facts about the issue, but like other news channels, eventually we had made our own. Anyways public is going to listen. According to the reports, they’ve signed a contract with Meecrosoft, A leading software firm, which has agreed to write a software and maintaine for them. What it will do is still unclear, but accoring to initial reports, the software will be able to :
— Pick a random Movie plot from the past. They are planning to add localization to the tool, which will enable them to pick movies from all across the world.
— Replace original story with new Characters, Clothes, Locations, and Aliases( Names).
— Replace original songs with new Palindromes. (See point no. 1)
— Pick a strategically chosen release date on one of the public holidays, as in Sallu will be released on Eid, Aamir on christmas, and for other actors, any dates except these.
They are planning to buy a licence for next Β 5 years. So we better not bother about a “Good Movie” for next 5 years or so. πŸ˜€
To be Continued..

11 thoughts on “Top Bollywood Trends # 1

  1. Hahaha…Good one..Enjoyed it fully…
    I was expecting something from you in this regard..
    But,to my surprise,you didn’t include the “DABBANG” experience in this piece…It was an experience in the true sense… πŸ˜‰

    Your piece looks well constructed in the initial stages,but loses the grip in the second half. It could have been more content since there was a lot to write about in the first part itself (anyways, thats Author’s View πŸ™‚ )

    It has been quite some time that you have been fully involved in Humor,Satire and Sarcasm. I would recommend you to try our different genres and enjoy them too πŸ™‚ We would also like to read something of a different angle about Kinda-Serious issues.. πŸ˜‰

    Keep writing!!!


    • Actually although I end up writing in humor and satire, the triggering emotions are that of repulsion from the bad system and anger with it. So, you know it is kind of personal AND *SERIOUS*.

      No hard feelings though. I know it will take more than just writing to ensure there are CHANGES.

      Thanks for the words, Mr Amey. Always a pleasure having you.

    • Actually, thats what the directors do while making the movies I guess. No doubt it’d be a trending topic in twitter in some days I guess. πŸ˜€

      Ahem ahem. πŸ˜›

    • I am sure the crallywood has an ocean of crap for me, so no matter how many parts I release, they’d never equal the quality of constant-shit production of our honorary Directors. πŸ˜›

  2. ohk so mr. deshpande has become a close observer of bollywood han..beware SRK..First part is gud enough or i should say informative abt what exhactly the NASAL Singers think.. in second half i enjoyed the most..u knw there are big posters of rajnikant on the roads in Tamil nadu(apne trichi wale jasus se pata chala)for ROBOT..aur apne Director-Actor-Producer-Choreographer-Singer-Screenplay-Writer-Dialogue Lead, Mr Reshmiya ki to achchi khabar li tune han…hehe..
    will be waiting for the next 1 n drop me a msg once u publish it on the blog…..

    • Ohkk, So our Hariram Nai is on the move! It would have been better had I watched Robot First. Lolss πŸ™‚ And thanks for remiding about SRK. Beware, Here comes the Crook… Huhuhuhahaha πŸ™‚

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