Farmville Frustration

farmville-for-dummies

farmville-for-dummies

Yo fellas, long time!
It’s about time another Creative frustration of mine came out.  😉 And yeah, it ain’t a false alarm this time. Coz I mean business! So today’s topic of the series “I hate —-” is, our Progressive and bright….. FARMERS. Yeah. The Farmers. The chosen ones! If you are a facebook freak, then you must have heard of almost a Game called Farmville. If you haven’t, I admit you are one hell of a lucky bum. 😀
So, this (almost a ) game is about a retarted series of mouse clicks where you intend to farm crops and make them grow and sell into the market and earn the experience and bla bla bla..See, how exciting it sounds! Its an omnipotent, omniscient entity : Its present everywhere. On your facebook wall (clogging the otherwise important newsfeed), in your mails, on your cell phones and what not! Sometimes I am bound to think if God is the entity which will be created when enough of us will be connected being neighbours in the Farmville. (Gasp.)
I was just scrolling through my homepage looking for some Mirch masaaala when I saw this :
“Wendy found a Lonely Bull on their farm. Oh no!Wendy was farming when a Lonely Bull wandered onto their farm in FarmVille…. :-@
Awww… :-/
Now that’s really something to worry about. Look, ma, she’s found a LONELY BULL ON THEIR FARM. WILL SHE STARVE TO DEATH?I wonder if I’d go to hell for not adopting her.Also,
“Wendy visited your farm and left you a Nail!” (Gasp)

How Sweet of her to leave me a Nail! I was so in need of it. Thanks to the “The Nail” I can save this world from Poverty, Hunger, Terrorism and Economic Downtime.

I’d really be damned if I don’t play games like Call of Duty : Black Ops, Age of Empires, counter strike and stick to the Farmville : you know, Not being entertained is the trending topic (#I_Don’t_need_to_be_Entertained). If its about being Lame, farming without the benefits of farming and losing your friends because of you clogging their wall with posts about how generous you are to befriend them in Farmville by sending fuel, or Nails, or fertilising their crops OR even hatching your Chickens for you (Now that really sucks)!!

Yesterday A Really good friend of mine, “The Farmville Freak” (Here onwards referred to as FF) called me

ME : “Yo dude. Whats up?
FF : “M fine, buddy . Could you just do me a favour?”
ME : “Anything for you mate”
FF : “I am in an urgent need to go to washroom and it’s just that, oh shit!”
ME : “What? What’s going on?”
FF : “Its’ about the crops. They are about to wither in couple of minutes or so. I cant’ wait, I cant go.”
ME : “Dude? WTF? :-O ”
FF : “I just need you to fertilize my crops and buy me some time so that I can go to washroom? I won’t be away for much”.. Please fella”
ME : “You know, you are one sick dung of cow!”
FF : “Which reminds me, please milk my cow. She must be feeling sad. And don’t forget to PET her.”
ME : Stunned Silence.

There we go! Is it just that I dont realize the importance of farming or is the world has gone really crazy? I wish I owned a medicare company. I’d really make some medication for it.
Forgive us, Oh ye Prince of Insufficient Plight!!

Hail Everyone!

Afternotes and Epilogue : I Apologize to all guys walking on the face of earth with name “Wendy”. I suggest you stop playing Farmville right now. I apologize the friends of mine who really like Farmville. You know apart from this article thing, I Just Love This Game! 😛

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Facebook Trends # 1

Howdy!

Long as long we surf internet : one window of browser is honestly devoted to Facebook. Skimming over the pages browsing updates, comments, shared media, girls, piks :-X and what-not. Seldom we would use our brain while on Facebook, lest being rational. I thought of Documenting this rather Beautiful human phenomenon and here we are!

So, let’s shed some light on some of in-demand trends of Face book :

1. Face book is a very effective tool for women empowerement and gender discrimination against Men :

(Courtesy : http://ankitmehta.net/facebook-profile-gender-discrimination)

2. With this newly introduced ‘Micro – blogging’ and a strong-will-to-write-than-read, we’ve got more people updating their status more frequently than they go for pee. We might as well see Chat and IM programs appending a new status : “Away for a pee” in their already too-personal list. Updating facebook status is also a practice space for copy paste :

  • Go to Sickipedia, or quotes.com
  • Copy a good looking line.
  • paste in to the facebook “What you are upto”.

Tadaa!! 🙂

3. Even Moore wouldn’t have imagined complications of his own law when he concluded “cost of electronics items will halve every year. With all those High end (and Cheap) cameras and more people swarming over social networking, its such an anguish looking over your albums-laden Facebook wall which shows people showing out cheesy faces and crippled gestures and rotated views. Gosh Its boring. Unless its a GIRL. See point number 1. 😉

4. Creating groups-that-nobody-cares-about. Imagine what good this group name tells you “Me and My cell”. Two of sleight, isn’t it? Really, its good to congregate. Grab the attention. But you might not be inventing more pokes than are already there. 😀 I mean, okay, we get it. YOU ARE KOOL. Now stop it alright?

So, fellas, you got it right. Facebook IS for females. Or males obsessed with praising, Sharing every single thing they watch on youtube, imitating KEWL with absurd likes and groups. And so, I will go on and paste an update about the blog I just posted. 😉

To be Contd..

Oouch! I spilled My Coffee!

Howdy!!

I found this while surfing last night :

You’ve gotta worry about coffees and teas and water spilling all around you. US may screw you anytime soon now! 🙂

Hail Everyone!

Courtesy : FailBlog

Fainting in Dreams : oh, yeah it’s possible

A lot of people have an obsession to watching themselves flying in dreams. I say is it so difficult? try 3 pegs and you’ll soon be flying like anything. :). Had I been asked what I wanted to do in my dreams, I would say I will want to interview a Bollywood director. (Lolzz) For the records, EeeekkTTAaa KKkkkaapppoouour (keeping up with her names) is my favourite director. 😉

So, God kinda granted my this wish and the very next day I was with Ms K. in my dreams. Here’s some excerpts what I could remember. I am so happy I couldnt remember whole interview, BTW 😛

Me : So, Ekta (here onwards kKk) tell us what’s behind your success as a director?
kKk : Its all because of God ‘K’. He has endowed me all these. Besides, New sarees and costumes, weeping actors, Never hiring a writer and extra stuffed names helped a lot.
Me : As a story teller, you are considered to be one of the most rated playmakers today. How do you keep yourself going?
kKk : Aww, Its nothing! 🙂 You know, there was this set theory in our 9th Standard. I used to hate it there. But when I grew up, I actually derived a great many things from it in my stories!
Me (Stunned) : Really??
kKk : Oh yeah, you see, People like watching Marriages and love and betrayal and oh crap what is called,…
Me : Drama?
kKk : Exactly! So, you see, you start with a boy and a girl, and add as many characters as you yourself can’t remember. And then you assign each a set. Like those big circles of 9th Standard. And then you explore all the possibilities for who can marry whom and who can betray whom, which are, plenty. And then, round and round and round……
The secretary let out a stifled cough. kKk got the clue and stopped blabbering.
Me : Thats so brilliant of you. I could never solve set theory though. But I am a big fan of your Serial (Killers)!
kKk : Thanks.
Me : At this rate, don’t you think the women will be highest scoring species in CAT coz you are gona cover a whole range of possibilities!!
kKk : Excuse me?
Me : Err, nothing..
You’ve stepped your foot in bollywood too. We have seen some brilliant endeavours from you and your Brother, Tttuuuussshar. What about them?
kKk : He’s such a fine actor. As a flmmaker, you otta’ve innovative ideas, which have never been used. I take old subjects, but my every single creation is something new. It gives out a message.
Me : Whoa whoa whoa… What does it all mean?
kKk : Nothing. I tell them to every single fool who interviews me. Usually I steal the paper script from some old movie and feed them to a software, which changes names and clothes. Tttuuuussshar is so diverse, he can screw it in any manner. And so am I.
Me : Apparently. 🙂
kKk : I really feel bad about women sitting in the house whole day and doing nothing. I wanted to change this. So, I decided to telecast them every day. In prime hours. So they can also have the courtesy to force their choices on husbands. This is my way of promoting women Empowerment.
I was awestruck. Certainly this woman only can produce the shit she is producing (and directing). Feeding on Womens desires gossips and new sarees, I wonder what things can come out! I thank god I didnt fainted in my dreams, other wise who would tell me to wake up from a dream in which I’ve fainted? Wait a minute, have I gone nuts? …..

Of vacations and offices..

Coming back from vacations is the secondmost horrible thing in this world, coz, personally I think there is no substitute for a job in software
industry itself. 😉 Especially when you had a terrible night travelling in the bus just above one of the tyres, which give you a jerky feeling of being in
the vehicle even after you’ve come down to home.
The number of days in the vacations follow inverse square law, i.e., the frustration and indignation is inversely proportional to the time remaining
in going back to office.[ Maybe a pressure volume relationship, corresponding to manager-employee of only one can dominate, usually the former. :D]

Today, when I came down to aisle in my office, too many thoughts were swaying past my mind. Too many mails, too many eyes
asking “WHERE WERE YOU???!!!”, a strong sixth sense to run away from this place, which turns out like a haunting in just 7 days.. you know, its
really bad to return. 😉 and, ironically, the urge to go out on vacation is strongest when you’ve just came from one. 😉
Turning off that Out of Office assistant gives you the same exact feeling which you felt turning it on, except its opposite. It’s all bound to start again.
Yes.

GL comes to you only first of his sentence caressing you with usual “How was your vacation?” as if a ventriloquist tells “get ready to screw up, dickhead”. May be he is aware of the fact that you are going to spend (waste) your next 1-2 hours reading mails and arranging them just like warming up. I call it “Opening your Dukaandaari” 😛

Your mind constantly reverts back to home, friends, of all the free time, wondering when’s the next time I am gonna do it again.
Life is a mix up of good and bad, they say, but why the hell good things last less? 🙂 It’s all but a matter of thinking. yes, its not. Its for real, atleast that’s what it feels like on the first day of office. O:-)
Enough to frustrate today, I hope this cures down me for another 3 months… 😀

The Iron Demons

Chaai Chaai Chaaiiiyyaaa!

A screaming man enters into the compartment, which is filled with more people than the air molecules in the air around.
Rushing through men-made walls and fencing, with all his gears of instant tea-making, reading a hundred thousand faces in a moment of time, looking for the savior who will call upon him for tea, he catches the attention of all with his frantic voice. People around look not for the Chaaiwala, but for others whether they are buying tea or not.. This is democracy after all. 😉 I, already tired and immobilized by the crowd, call him. Its only after buying the tea, I curse myself taking it, coz it’s difficult figuring out a way I actually can drink it. Some veterans laughed at my inability to drink in such inhumane conditions of which they were used to. In fact that marks the Indian people out of the league, no matter in what shit you put us into, we’ll get used to it. We are used to do this. Trains, riots, poverty, infrastructure, politicians, English and Mughal cruelty : we have such a vast experience!!

At last, I decided to throw away my half filled cup of tea, the symbol of my failure. Then , the phone rang. Now it’s too much. I simply can’t do it. There is no space for inching slightly out of your body dimensions, and you tell me to take the phone out of my jeans pocket? Trains are for journey, not for worldly leisure. What else you can expect in the population of 100 crore people!!

Nevertheless, there are some people in the world whose calls you cannot NOT pick up. forget about family, I am talking about Girlfriends(The Unfathomables)! I cut the call. 😉 Anyway, trains have turned out to be far more painful creatures than girlfriends. For one thing, they are always hotter than the hottest girls you’ll ever see. 😉

Stations after stations, I wondered how come I could only see people coming inside, none of them going out! Seemed like I was standing in a vessel of infinite capacity. I have a very strong feeling that most of the daily train-travellers think they have 3 lives like we have in the game of Mario. At most they would just take a One-Up, and Tadaaa! Here they go again! Bombs, Terrorists, naxalites.. they mug it all! I don’t understand whether its our spirit or our obligations that make us go again and again.

Eyes turn into radar always scanning for an empty space to put your ass on, as its harder to stand in the Natraj pose constantly. And its a universal rule that you will get to sit only when your station is near. 😉 I got a seat. As soon as my feet and eyes got free, I started stumbling across. Most people were oblivious. One was actually studying some maths journal, with earphones pierced in. He was in his own world. I felt shame. Almost every inch of the inside walls was adorned with posters of vaious doctors promising to return your lost powers. 😉 It looked like a big advertisement campaign, ranging from Earn 10000 rs, sex solutions, itching, to name a few. Seemed like I was sitting in some public toilet.

My station came, and I was thrown out of the train by the huge waves of people swarming to get out and get in. How did I come out, I don’t know.. But it turned out to be hell of a journey. I literally salute the spirit of Indian Railway and Indian people. Its how we choose to travel, its how we choose to live.
In the end, its our own country. I love her whatever it is.
Jai Hind. 😀

Select Excerpts from my Book : Part-2

Chapter-8 : Preparations Leaves.

PREPARATION LEAVES ARE THOSE THINGS, AT THE name of which every normal, I repeat, normal collegian (That would exclude toppers) relies to prepare for exams. Although, the actual purpose of PLs is supposed to be the revision of all the subjects, making sure you are ready for exams, a final touch down. But, for most of the people, it’s time they start thinking about something called ‘Study’. There is a PL life cycle, which works all-in-all same for everyone-

First, in the start of PLs, you are highly spirited and always think of scoring more than 75%. You keep discussing with friends how the paper is gonna come, and you study a little bit. Well, it’s just the start of PL. Time tables are made, and we keep believing we have divided our time between subjects as strategically perfect as it can be. In fact, we spend more time making time tables than studying itself, and most of the times, they are as idealistic as our great politicians. And this is not the only similarity between the two. e.g., both never follow what they say. 😉

As a matter of fact, for us nothing seems to be feasible when it comes to studies. When some days pass, and you realize that half of PL is over playing games and going to girls places for studies 😀 , you learn it’s impossible now to score 75% with the time left, and considering your performance in the last days of PL, you submit yourself to the idea of settling down at 65%, i.e. first division. Time tables (Exam – manifesto) are revised, this time a ‘little more feasible’, and followed a ‘Little bit more seriously’, than before. The resistance we provide to our luxuries in the non-study days, like TV, games, late night chatting- increases and we fight more with the books, pressing hard to understand the words and symbols which seem to be in another language, thanks to our kind ritual of paying no attention at all in the classes when the things are being spoken. After a good day of study (atmost 3 hrs), you think that had we been studying whole semester, we’d scored great deal of marks. 😀 😀 Which never happens. And now please stop comparing politicians and time table. All apart, we are still far better than politicians. Coz we manage to pass. 😉

And the days finally arrive, when you have only 2 days left to first exam. Realizing that you did nothing in the whole fucking PLs, you settle down with god in your prayers to just cross the mark of 35, the hallmark of success : To clear the subject!! The tension building up in your head signals the mind to hasten the production of adrenaline, which fuels our understanding of everything, and suddenly we see that we are learning everything faster than usual!! Its the only good thing about exams, that you are actually able to ‘HOLD’ the books for more than 5 hours*!!!(* favorable, factory conditions)

So, there was I, again, in the same condition, like they say, ‘Never Better’!! I was in my room, with Nikku the Sister surveilling over me, this time for Mom, that whether I am studying or not. My cell phone was seized by mom, in order that I will have a productive study time!! Once you get into college, studies always haunt you like anything. Considering that you have lost the habit of poking your heads into [syllabus] books, you are stunned by the number of activities and intents your mind starts cornicing about. Moving your pen, frequently checking the clock, turning pages of books blindly to check how much chapter is more to go, and in some special cases, which porn did I put up last night on torrent 😉 . I got my eyes off the book for a moment, and Nikku startled in the chair, ready to call mom. I threw one of Alpenlibes from my pocket, and signaled her to shut her mouth down. She took it, and again dipped herself into combing hair of doll.

I stood up, and started walking aimlessly. The time since I discussed the matter of Anusha with Amey, and he’d proposed idea of my being in love with her, things were really bad. I couldn’t help but think about her repeatedly, about the times we’d spent together, about the laughs we shared, the talks we spared dwindling nights in over useless talks, and……….. that last fight. The feeling of guilt was now strong enough to overwhelm other emotions, and it was getting difficult for me to refrain from ignoring her. It would be now 3 weeks, almost a month, I didn’t talk to her, although whatever she said that day wasn’t wrong. I needed to talk to her. Otherwise those fucking neurons in my head won’t stop thinking about her. I will have to redeem myself from the pangs of guilt. But, with cell phone being in custody of momma, it wasn’t an option. And the exam next day, mom really would kill me on this very immoral idea!! Fuck the morals!! Fuck everything!! I need to talk. If I would talk, I may fail, but if I won’t, surely I will!! I want that cell back. As the clocks’ crystal oscillated to make the final movement for 10 in the night, I decided something, and walked to Nikku. I needed her in this.

“Hey, sis…What’s up?” I chided, putting a smile even wider than her rag doll on my face to lure her.

“What do you want??” She hissed, sensing the [unnecessary] love in my voice.

“How many of those you have received from mom to play a spy on me for her??? Be honest.” I asked, signaling to the candies in her bag, my voice showing the authority, after her rude reply.

“Ohh…. No No!! Dad gave them to me. Mom’s not spying on you.” She said, her voice lacking experience required to lie. I stared her for a moment.

“Ok, ok.. 3 of them.”

“I will give you 5, if you can bring back my phone. Nothing else. Just bring it back. Rest I will see. I won’t take your name.”

10 minutes passed, and phone was there in my hands. With everyone in the home around, it was difficult for me to talk at the moment. So, I decided to wait for a while, and took my dinner instead. That would even make sure to mom, that everything is normal. The time by which I returned to my room, the clock showed a healthy 11 in the night. Everything was perfect. Mom-dad went to bed by this time, and Nikku couldn’t hold up this far in the night. I decided to not talk in my room, for Nikku could wake virtually any moment, and she’s definitely not entitled to listen the kinda talks we were about to share. I thought I would just apologize to Anusha and talk a while, so that I can get her the hell out of my mind. I thought terrace would be best option to talk tonight. But then, I must wait for even minutest movements to cease. I can’t take risks with exams dancing up my head. I checked balance in phone. 30 rs. I was good to go. I started up the stairs, and underway started dialing the number for her, but before even I could dial the whole numbers, my phone began to vibrate. I saw the name. In the nocturnal silence of the terrace, my heartbeats began to collide my chest, and the sound materialized solid, like a drummer playing his loudest melody.
.
..

….
…..
…….

It was Anusha………..