Hip – Hop Office Jargons – 3


As we all know how famous a writer I am when it comes to documenting the oldest of the jargons being used around in office. I am not going to disappoint you, and here I am back with all the flying word-o-nama again. Here we go again:

Office Jargon

Please advice :

This is a short hand, good looking notation for “This is your job, not mine, moron.”


Please check :

Now get your ass to work on it right now.


After analyzing the issue :

We haven’t actually done anything substantial on the issue. But we can’t say that directly. So, instead, we went on and analyzed the issue, because that’s something you can’t measure and we will have something to show in place of actual work.


Thanks and Regards

No Jargon this time. It’s called a signature. You put it when you finish writing. So did I. Grow up, guys. 😀


That about sums up for this bulletin on jargon. Hail burrows!!

This was part 3 of the series Office Jargon.

For part 1 : Click Here.

For Part 2 : Click Here.


Facebook Trends # 1


Long as long we surf internet : one window of browser is honestly devoted to Facebook. Skimming over the pages browsing updates, comments, shared media, girls, piks :-X and what-not. Seldom we would use our brain while on Facebook, lest being rational. I thought of Documenting this rather Beautiful human phenomenon and here we are!

So, let’s shed some light on some of in-demand trends of Face book :

1. Face book is a very effective tool for women empowerement and gender discrimination against Men :

(Courtesy : http://ankitmehta.net/facebook-profile-gender-discrimination)

2. With this newly introduced ‘Micro – blogging’ and a strong-will-to-write-than-read, we’ve got more people updating their status more frequently than they go for pee. We might as well see Chat and IM programs appending a new status : “Away for a pee” in their already too-personal list. Updating facebook status is also a practice space for copy paste :

  • Go to Sickipedia, or quotes.com
  • Copy a good looking line.
  • paste in to the facebook “What you are upto”.

Tadaa!! 🙂

3. Even Moore wouldn’t have imagined complications of his own law when he concluded “cost of electronics items will halve every year. With all those High end (and Cheap) cameras and more people swarming over social networking, its such an anguish looking over your albums-laden Facebook wall which shows people showing out cheesy faces and crippled gestures and rotated views. Gosh Its boring. Unless its a GIRL. See point number 1. 😉

4. Creating groups-that-nobody-cares-about. Imagine what good this group name tells you “Me and My cell”. Two of sleight, isn’t it? Really, its good to congregate. Grab the attention. But you might not be inventing more pokes than are already there. 😀 I mean, okay, we get it. YOU ARE KOOL. Now stop it alright?

So, fellas, you got it right. Facebook IS for females. Or males obsessed with praising, Sharing every single thing they watch on youtube, imitating KEWL with absurd likes and groups. And so, I will go on and paste an update about the blog I just posted. 😉

To be Contd..

Hip-Hop Office Jargons Part – 2

Standard Office Jargons :

This is part 2 of the series “Standard Office Jargons”. For part 1, Please click here.

FYI logo

Image via Wikipedia

  • FYI : Don’t get on the length of this SENTENCE. This Uncanny officialese acronym does more than just annoying you. Everytime I get a mail with a long Mahabharatha Story written below an “FYI : For Your Information” mail, I get a rainbow of emotions. I wonder whoever wants to have me read this information overload, have really gave it a try himself? I guess not. Knowledge is to distribute, not grasp. 😉 Atleast thats what seems true in official mail chains.
  • FTCQ : forwarding to correct queue, in other words, getting rid of it.
  • Oncall pager :  Its the device which shows your extreme chauvinism and jingoism towards your company and team. Its an evil agent which brings the pleasures of office works anywhere you can imagine. I’d rather switch off my pager before going to washroom, or I’d rather NOT go there. 🙂
    Someone asked me what alias can be given to this frightful device, and all  I could muster was “An antenna-Up-in-The-Ass”!!
  • OOO : Every time I send mails to a distro or multiple teams, I get atleast 5 OOO mails! Who the hell cares whether you are available or not!! All you have to do is to have someone else do the same thing you should have done in place, FTCQ!!!
  • EOD : End-Of-Day tasks or Jobs or operations, as is clear, are expected to finish by evening. I’d rather call them Armageddon events as if some asteroid is waiting for us to not complete the task so that it can strike us! Imagine someone yelling at you  “I want reports rechecked, presentation made, defects fixed and HLD understood by the End of Day.” And I’d say, ‘Are you sure about End of Day or End of World, coz you took atleast 5 mins to count the tasks!”
  • Sweets @ my desk : Now this is a phenomena from where Coulomb got actually the idea of inverse square law of relative forces between things. You see, the rate of consumption of sweets is inversely proportional to the square of time you will get to reach the desk, so if you are not talking about superficial speeds of like 10 millisecond to reach, forget you are gona ever have a piece left. Even gravitational forces become too feeble over that magnitude, and here we are talking about sweets and chocolates. 😛
For part 3 of the series, click Here.

Standard Office Jargons : 1

For those who go to office, I hope this would make a little sense. 😉 Ever since I came into this office thing, I was trying to understand what hidden meanings are behind the standard jargons being spoken, and believe me, its no less than Dan Brown trying to track the holy Grail!
so, off we go :
*** Can you please…   ***
Do not EVER think that the person is trying to be courteous to you. This sentence traces back its origin in the cliche we are tought on the day first of our training no matter what company you get started with. This just means that the person writing the mail doesnt has to think something new everytime he writes a new mail, which is a plenty if he’s a manager. 😉
*** Looking into this..!  *** 
This dangerous and frightful sentence warns you on behalf of replier that “He’s got no fucking idea about what you are talking about and you should stop expecting, or give him\her enough time to let her figure out how to deligate it to someone else, just like you did. 😛
I wonder sometimes whats so intense in the matter to look into, and after 15 mins, you get, “Still looking into it, and it’s very beautiful.” 😀 For god’s sake, Its a matter!
*** Please Join the Conversation/Bridge/Conference call… ***
These sentences have as horrible reasons as the synonyms to get you on your toes and Realize that your good day is over, instantly.
I feel like it being Colloseum, where big (and useless) people talk over some god knows what matter and fix some god knows what went wrong thing. Finding myself complacent when I come alive out of such things, I will never be able to look back and realize what the hell we were trying to fix in that tug of war telephonic Gladiatoronics! 😀
***  Adding/ + / looping/…   ***
Adding a Whole new person/team to the longest of email coversations (read it transfer of responsibility) in one flash and attaching some most irrelevant mails to the already existing nonsense is another downright absurd thing one could be subject to. If you are that person, I suggest you call your home/honey to say you will be late for dinner, coz you ain’t going nowhere now, nigga. 😉
More to come… >
Edit : Please click here for part-2

Of vacations and offices..

Coming back from vacations is the secondmost horrible thing in this world, coz, personally I think there is no substitute for a job in software
industry itself. 😉 Especially when you had a terrible night travelling in the bus just above one of the tyres, which give you a jerky feeling of being in
the vehicle even after you’ve come down to home.
The number of days in the vacations follow inverse square law, i.e., the frustration and indignation is inversely proportional to the time remaining
in going back to office.[ Maybe a pressure volume relationship, corresponding to manager-employee of only one can dominate, usually the former. :D]

Today, when I came down to aisle in my office, too many thoughts were swaying past my mind. Too many mails, too many eyes
asking “WHERE WERE YOU???!!!”, a strong sixth sense to run away from this place, which turns out like a haunting in just 7 days.. you know, its
really bad to return. 😉 and, ironically, the urge to go out on vacation is strongest when you’ve just came from one. 😉
Turning off that Out of Office assistant gives you the same exact feeling which you felt turning it on, except its opposite. It’s all bound to start again.

GL comes to you only first of his sentence caressing you with usual “How was your vacation?” as if a ventriloquist tells “get ready to screw up, dickhead”. May be he is aware of the fact that you are going to spend (waste) your next 1-2 hours reading mails and arranging them just like warming up. I call it “Opening your Dukaandaari” 😛

Your mind constantly reverts back to home, friends, of all the free time, wondering when’s the next time I am gonna do it again.
Life is a mix up of good and bad, they say, but why the hell good things last less? 🙂 It’s all but a matter of thinking. yes, its not. Its for real, atleast that’s what it feels like on the first day of office. O:-)
Enough to frustrate today, I hope this cures down me for another 3 months… 😀