What’s Trending you ask, Idiocy I say.

Heylloo and whats up! 2012 passed and 2013 is here already.
Basically here’s where I gotta write the intro part of the article. But heck, lets lose out into the matter at hand. Coz seriously I can’t think of something funny to say here every time you guys. Give the fellow man a break. Aaaaaaaand Off we go:

The Slap of truth: Dayaa ka chaanta

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Long gone are the days of concentration camps of Hitler, when chemists worked really hard to discover and synthesize chemical substances which could make you speak truth. India’s premier crime investigation unit CID uses a different model. Na na na, we are not talking about some other chemical shit, or electric chair. It’s something far more dangerous: The Slap of Truth! Dayaa, whose length is equal to breadth, is the man of the hour. No matter how hideous crime, how rough the criminal is, he’s bound to speak truth when he gets slapped by our fella. It’s a divine thing, actually. There is one more advantage actually, as soon as the criminal gets slapped; the criminal gets delivered to CID headquarters, unless they are not already there.

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Sometimes I am bound to think that stories for CID are written backwards. They decide who’s going to commit crime, what crime, who will get killed and then they come to why.

It’s about time Dayaa starts a stall outside malls and parliament. 1 slap for 200 bucks, 2 for 150.

100 Crore ka Sach!

Dabanggg

Okay. Forbes say increasing prices of movie tickets are responsible for movies grossing in excess of 100 crores today. growing no of multiplexes, digital reprints, wide releases. They all might constitute to this outrageously exceeding collections. But in my opinion the main reason is the same which is the reason for india’s upwards of 100 crore population: “Illiteracy”. ahem? ahem? Did I lie.

I mean who the fuck are these people who go to watch heroes cranking people’s skull and everytime they slap villains in the head, there is a sound of two metal balls colliding. Thhhhannnnnnnnnnn! What’s up with that???

On few occassion we were trapped in the movie halls of these films, I have seen my friends amidst song humming the lyrics even before they’ve sung it in song. I mean how predictable you wanna be. I bet you there would be an android app on the market right now for creating movies. It will take input : Hero, Heroine & villain name, Name of production to decide the release date and a plot from another 100 crore grossing movie. After all the story writer is a chimpanzee from the near jungle on a booze and doped heavy. Or may be some birds chirped on keyboard and the story writer called it a day.

Salman khan seems to be on a truth and dare contest where someone has given him a task: Either marry or do movies without storywriters. Well the latter is easy so here we are.

MTV roadies: Everything which is wrong with Today’s youth.

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So I heard somewhere that MTV roadies is kicking off its 10th Seasons. Oh no. I mean the city’s gutters are already choking down enough shit and we are starting roadies 10. They are advertising on TV that Roadies is the first reality show to reach 10th season. Well, someone needs to know when to stop. Guys. I’ll tell you. You know what roadies is? Apart from being a pathetic ground to show off swearing is a KEWL thing, it represents everything which is wrong with today’s youth.

Oay, tell me what kind of real world situation you are gonna find yourself into where you’ll have to Poll dance.

It’s a show of duality. You’ll be taught to be respectful to girls yet you’ll have to hurl limitless abuses towards each other. Honestly will be rewarded only if its backed by dirty politics about who will vote out whom. The only thing which is constant about it is it’s Straightfold Dumb!

Govt should make a separate facility for the people who look forward to new seasons of this show and will want to attend the interview.

Ain’t this article got a beginning. And it sure as hell isn’t gonna have an end. So see you lovely fellas soon!

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Piece out!

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Facebook Personalities

So the Facebook IPO went on fire this last month, and facebook couldn’t agree more to the fact that it was all because of the millions of newbies who “Log in, Sign up or Learn more” every god damn month on Facebook. This, chitter-chatter, this vulgar display of incessant, unnecessary and imaginary tidbits of their knowledges and horrible insights about the lives: This is all too much and I snapped last night. So here I am writing another of my frustrations in a more to come of series :). Today we are gonna see different Facebook personalities we encounter while online.

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I know this might have been written many times, but I know you geeky heads always want more of this meandering I go about doing about other geekyheads :P. So here’s your today’s dose of gossip:

**** The Oversharers ****

“Good morning Friends!”

“Having lunch at home and loving it”

“Wow what a dump I took, feels so relaxed now.”

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If you are familiar with any of the above sentence, you have a facebook friend who qualifies for this personality type. These guys share/update so involuntarily, that if you were to gain a cent every time they share, you’ll be a millionaire in a day. 😀 A particular class of this category goes ahead one step and pings you on chat to like their newly put status. It’s like scoring a goal on empty goalpost and make others celebrate about that :P.

**** The Liker and Disliker. ****

Each one of us has atleast one friends who goes about liking people’s stuff. No matter what you set your status to, they will like it. If you share a new video of 4 minutes, 2 people will like it within 1 minute. It’s as if an unknown force drives them to do this and they have no control whatsoever on this. 😉

This one, being my Favourite, I can’t stress enough:

**** “The Photographer” ****

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Honestly, the way camera prices have decreased, I don’t really appreciate it. Although there is no harm if people are learning something and they post their photos to facebook to know what others think about. But Photographers, Listen to me:

Clicking a Black and White photo doesn’t mean it will always be nice. It doesn’t mean that the photo is very deep and “tells me something” either. So if people are liking it for no reason, believe me, you’ve got a lot of likers in your friendslist. 😛 (see pt 2).

PS : Installing an App called Instagrams doesn’t make you a photohgrapher either.

**** The Taggers ****

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These are facebook’s “Tag! You’re it” guys. If you wake up a fine morning and login to facebook to see 11 notifications, don’t get all too crazy, it’s just some stupid friend of your’s who has uploaded a “Good morning” wallpaper and tagged 122 people in it. Some 67 Liker guys have liked it and 45 “incessant Ranters” have thanked that douche for tagging them along. 😛

You’ve got to be on a lookout for these bunch. They are most active around Festivals, Days of National influence, friendship day, Valentine’s day and what not!

 

 

Edit:

Part-2 is in pipeline. 🙂

So there’s yet Another Social Network.

So, there is yet another social network. Some people are happy, some are just frustrated with the thought that they might have to start all over again. I have been pretty old in this business in the sense that I had a well maintained Orkut account before I could learn to use internet for study. 😉 I’ve had more accounts on websites, forums and social circles, that I had actual friends. The person who sent me orkut invite knew nothing about email, but he knew how to leave a scrap. It was all too fascinating in those days. After healthy 7 years in this business, I felt I should write something about the Web networks that we’ve all been a part of at one point or another. It’s been a long time and it would be helpful if we divide them into periods of time rather than one long paragraph. (actually this is just one of my tricks to make it look important to readers :P) So, Off we go!

The Orkut-Myspace-Era(2002 – I-dont-Know-I-am-Dead-Yet) :

2005. Not so many people knew internet around. Cyber cafes charged fierce 50 bucks and hour, and they still had doors ;-).
Myspace was too advance, so public migrated to Orkut. Those were the days of “Kewl” Captions, the Famous Mass scrap scripts.

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People used to chat with scrapbook just to increase Them-Number-of-Scraps-on-Profile to boast about! I won’t talk to a person in real world as readily as I will talk to him on orkut. Those were the days of joining several communities and people felt pride in the number of emails orkut generated for them. (I had them marked as spam, a little ahead of curve, you know).

Time flew and the interest with orkut started to wither out in spite of all the efforts from the Google. They tried changing themes, incorporated games, updates and what not. But to no avail. The time had come. Soon, we would see how one giant fell to another just to pick up again the same title.

The Facebook-Friendfeed-Era (2003 – I-Wont-Give-Up)

Just like cursing Microsoft was a style statement those days, soon orkut picked up the fame of being social network for relatively lame internet users. Not being on orkut, or not being able to open your orkut to follow updates became mark of a true internet user. There was a knight who came to their rescue, who had written a website to compare faces of chicks by the time other students learnt to cheat. Allegedly stealing the idea of (Really?) his fellow students, he wrote the code for another social networking website. Thefacebook.com! Yes, that’s what the bored public wanted. Yet another network to fool themselves from the reality. Like an empty public transport, people hopped on it. Facebook became new sensation eating up some other chronic baby social networks as well.

Facebook developer opened up news ways of sharing and suddenly every single website I surfed had a like button and share button. More so, I could see which of my friends like about particular brand, company or organization. It was so easy to sneak up at their music and movie preferences. That was a particularly good feature in the sense that with every shared snippet of web(whether a video, an article, or image) Facebook was advertising for their own. When Microsoft bought 1.6 % of Facebook shares for a whopping $ 240 MN, I knew it was to stay for a long time.

The Wall and Notifications replaced scraps. Internet Frenzies ran to get the same donuts: only in a new shape. The newsfeed seemed like a great feature, until your lame friends started clogging it with the Farmville requests. The new games, Facebook chat, Awesome looking interface, and the concept of “Like”. They really did an awesome job there. But so did Orkut when it was a baby. Just as Winkle Voss brothers came to know that it’s better to have some money than this website which is gonna wear out one day or another, it was Mark Zuckerberg’s turn to realize the same. So, they started incorporating extra features, which felt as if Facebook will do pretty good if they weren’t there in the first place! Like the new Facebook chat:

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The Google+ Era (2011 – Still in Diapers)

Google took a big hit with the Facebook punching it in the face. With just India and Brazil in hand, they felt they had to do something. And Yes they did. Two terrible things came across as fighters: Google Wave and Google Buzz. Maybe both were developed after smoking a joint. 🙂 I really don’t understand. Maybe the team developing the Buzz just hi-fived each other and hoped for the best! :PSo, they were knocked out on their own. This added up to the spice and since then people started anticipating what Google will come up with for the third time.

Maybe with the failure of these two projects one thing was clear. Facebook had changed things around in the social circle arena, Forever. It was not just a matter of building a product who lets you sneak up on friends. It was about universal sharing. It was about being present everywhere on web. It was about being present on every single device, Coz people are freaking around, facebooking and twitting from washrooms and what nots.

Then came the big tide. There came the +1. A worthy competitor at last to Facebook Like. Although people were resilient at first, they started seeing the big picture. With millions of webpage crawled and recrawled under it’s belly, Google could do wonders by sorting them in order of social +1. Now I see the big picture. With Hangout feature, they gave people yet another reason to leave Facebook and join Google+.

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It will be very interesting to see this war, unlike others, because Google has introduced their product at a time when Facebook is doing pretty good. Maybe it’s about stealing some share of the pie, or maybe it’s potentially the largest thing on the web.

We will see it soon.

Have something else on mind? Don’t forget to share! That’s what it’s all about!!

Kudos!

Commandments of a successful (Online) life :

  • * Though you might not have a single idea about what the hell this thing called twitter is, you may as well have an account with you following every single celebrity you heard about and no one following you. 🙂

 

  • * Though you really understand that on a quite night you would listen to your Real-favourite songs, but it’s *really* imperative that you like the unheard bands profile pages on facebook. Coz you fancy the kinda guy who pastes this line on every single metal song on youtube :  “I am 16 and I really like classic rock over all the crap music industry has to offer today”.

 

  • * Though you might not have single idea about the things you click a “share” button for,(fingers crossed) but there is this “Always Works” rule. The more incomprehensible something, the more your glory.

 

  • * Though you would never give a damn to good ol’ quotes or philosophical books, but there is one place you know they will always fetch you more good, and that is your, Wait for it

    “FACEBOOK WALL”
    Yes! Yes! You know I got that right! Coz it’s so “Soothing” to have your snippets of wisdom shared between infinite Farmville requests. 😀

 

  • Ah! So, as I have cast more poison than originally I intended for, here is my idea of online presence, or sharing (and mind me, I am not here to show off :P)
    What it means by sharing is to share exactly who you are, so that your friends (online and real) come one step closer to knowing you, your tastes and your preferences. It’s not about sharing what is Kewl, its about sharing what you REALLY like. Pasting Quotes copied from somewhere to your walls is not exactly wrong, but in a way you are morally responsible for it, because you are inviting your friends to have a discussion in the form of likes and comments. It’s unjust to share something which you approve not of and still share coz its kewl. 😀 Ofcourse all of us including the good for nothing writer of this crap has done all these things, but its really “The Time”.

 

Later.

So What’s the fuss about this New Year, anyways?

Fellas!! So, as there are already infinites of the Happy new Years floating in the market of wishes, count my one more.

As already has been stated, I have taken a resolution to blog more this year. I just hope that “The ResolutionTM”survives for, like couple of hours. 😉

So in a new series starting today we would discuss “So what’s the fuss about ——-
——– Anyways?” And what better to start with New Year? So in a series of chronic calls one takes on chronic occasions (like today, New year), I am like,hey, I got it. The number representing the last four digits of the date format is going to be incremented by one. I guess that’s about it! A bit technical, but yes, True anyways. So what’s all this fuss. Like every single tweet and facebook status about asking “WHERE’s THE PARTY TONIGHT???????” I’d rather say it’s a nice song.
Oh bye the way, these updates bypassed the number of Farmville requests you usually have your walls adorned with. So, I guess it’s really something serious stuff. 😛

So, we come to the big question : Where are you headed for the evening? Well, I am AT Home on this eve. You’ve got a problem with that? :-/ Like its a ritual or something? Heading out for some bar or Pub which will charge you like hell for a reason the four digits are about to be incremented by one. If you are paying just because you’d have a chance to count to one in the backward order, I’d really say : “GET A LIFE”!

No, seriously! May be I should be pretty afraid that the cops are gonna come down the street and catch me red handed coz I was at home having a solitude laden HAPPY NEW YEAR. No, wait, I was with my guitar Whole evening. that would certainly provide me some cover.

Would write some other time as it’s quite off time now.. 😉

Hail Everyone!

Pole of The Month

Facebook Trends # 1

Howdy!

Long as long we surf internet : one window of browser is honestly devoted to Facebook. Skimming over the pages browsing updates, comments, shared media, girls, piks :-X and what-not. Seldom we would use our brain while on Facebook, lest being rational. I thought of Documenting this rather Beautiful human phenomenon and here we are!

So, let’s shed some light on some of in-demand trends of Face book :

1. Face book is a very effective tool for women empowerement and gender discrimination against Men :

(Courtesy : http://ankitmehta.net/facebook-profile-gender-discrimination)

2. With this newly introduced ‘Micro – blogging’ and a strong-will-to-write-than-read, we’ve got more people updating their status more frequently than they go for pee. We might as well see Chat and IM programs appending a new status : “Away for a pee” in their already too-personal list. Updating facebook status is also a practice space for copy paste :

  • Go to Sickipedia, or quotes.com
  • Copy a good looking line.
  • paste in to the facebook “What you are upto”.

Tadaa!! 🙂

3. Even Moore wouldn’t have imagined complications of his own law when he concluded “cost of electronics items will halve every year. With all those High end (and Cheap) cameras and more people swarming over social networking, its such an anguish looking over your albums-laden Facebook wall which shows people showing out cheesy faces and crippled gestures and rotated views. Gosh Its boring. Unless its a GIRL. See point number 1. 😉

4. Creating groups-that-nobody-cares-about. Imagine what good this group name tells you “Me and My cell”. Two of sleight, isn’t it? Really, its good to congregate. Grab the attention. But you might not be inventing more pokes than are already there. 😀 I mean, okay, we get it. YOU ARE KOOL. Now stop it alright?

So, fellas, you got it right. Facebook IS for females. Or males obsessed with praising, Sharing every single thing they watch on youtube, imitating KEWL with absurd likes and groups. And so, I will go on and paste an update about the blog I just posted. 😉

To be Contd..