Selling Happiness since 1920

Several Post apocalyptic movies have depicted in great detail what could happen in a world where humans might be tormented by machines. Terminator, The Matrix, and there are couple more not worth mentioning. In these movies humans are shown to be proud of being capable of having emotions. To have hope. to experience Pain, love and happiness. To be able to cry. Well I gotta tell ya folks, it looks overrated to me. Its as if Bill Gates is being mocked by a beggar that he can’t sleep on streets or can’t Savour being hungry for days and being winced by cold winter. Nevertheless, there is one thing I am sure humans would be proud of in such a world, where robots and machines will prevail. That is, use of Emoticons in chat and emotions in Advertisements [Pun intended].

Point in case: Utterly and butterly delicious “Happiness” being used in advertisements now-a-days. I guess nobody is selling products, since they are so busy selling happiness cloacked with consumerism. You go to grocery store to buy cholesterol free oil, guess what, happiness comes along free with it. Wanna buy a coke to quench your thirst? Don’t open the friggin’ coke, you gotta open the happiness first. Are you buying a dairymilk chocolate for your girlfriend, well no sir, first you have to make sure its the right occassion to say “Kuchh Meetha ho jaaye”. Are you Fuckin’ kidding me?

None of this is as big a crap as Big B selling you boroplus in the name of “Sardi ki Nazar na lage”. IT’S A FRIGGING COLD CREAM TO PREVENT YOUR SKIN FROM BEING DRY. GET IT?

Have you seen the Tata Nano ad? It’s as if they want us to make fun of them. Khushiyon ki chaabi, my foot. I am gonna kill you with that same key if you give me a Khushiyon ki chaabi for 1 Lac Rupees instead of the actual car keys. Happiness I can manage. I want a car key from you, dumbass.

I absolutely get it that our Indian society is emotionally driven. Everybody here is either laughing or crying. Every sentence here ends with an emoticon, rofl and lol (more about that later) Every facebook photo is a portrait of how happy the chap is to be somewhere. Every status about being home is demanding a declaration of how happy the poor guy is to be at home.

I mean what’s up with all this declaration stuff. Who do you want to prove that you are enjoying? How ridiculous does it even sound to go visit some place and instead of living the moment there, you are busy capturing the whole thing on camera so that you could *INSTANTLY* share it to show people you are ENJOYING. This particular feeling of happiness is what drives the companies to create whole Ad campaigns targetting Human Emotions.

And in the end, he said to me “How hard it is to be happy, yeah?”

Peace out!

Oo Oo Womaniya!!

Did you know that 80% of the advertisements today are produced keeping woman’s appeal in mind. (Actually I just made that up, 😛 but you get the drift). I was watching a south Indian movie this sunday and there came the famous “Sirf 2 minutes ka break!”. For some reason, I didnt change the channel (I didn’t have a choice to go to, its weekend, what do you expect.) so I sat through the Ads. And Boy, I realized that nowadays advertisements are made for chimpanzees, not for humans. So dumb! Even a monkey knows he’s not gonna get a monkey chick just because he used a specific brand of underwear. Grow up, losers! The only way you’re gonna get somebody to like you is good old ways: Talk, communicate, improvise. Spoiler: you don’t need to wear deodorants!! I know, right?

So I thought, instead of continue watching that dumb movie, why not educate our country’s teenagers a little bit, who I think eat grass in dinner. So wannabes, off we go!

** Deodorant **

Ah, my favourites! So people, first and foremost. When it’s hot outside, you sweat. And you fatasses sweat so bad, that it stinks. People can’t stand within 10 feet from you. So, a company starts making deodorants. Which does what? NO! It doesn’t get you chicks. 😀 It frees you from your stench. I can promise you the only plus you are getting off a bottle of deodorant is that you won’t choke and die on your own smell. 😀 Got it? Now repeat after me: “Deodorants don’t get you chicks.”. Good. Good.

Girls: Not that it matters, but whatever you do, you will get guys I promise. So, just one advice: Do whatever you want.

** Toothpaste **

“Paas Aao, Meri saanso me samaao.”

I remember watching a lady in a retro 70’s ad while a person hummed this song “Kya aap close up karte hain”. Such a catchy tune. Until a couple months ago, I was aware of the fact that toothpastes are for brushing your teeth. The only other use I knew of this product was to eat it in childhood, because they tasted so awesome!! 😀

But guess what, according to the recent studies (read Ads) it turns out, if you are brushing your teeth with Close-up, you are gonna get kissed from a lady, who herself would brush her teeth with same paste! Otherwise, ofcourse its not possible. I mean, what is the point of kissing when one’s brushed teeth and other has just used Mintos!

** Clothes & Undergarments (Don hai to On hai) **

Ok this is self-explanatory.

** Mobile Phones **

Okay, this one is straightfold dumb. There was an ad on TV a few days ago where a phone boasts of ultra fast Wi-Fi and promises to make your life ultrafast. So, this idiot girl sits close to her and laughs on a comedy video streaming “Only because the phone has ultrafast WiFi you know”. The guy notices the girl having a good time and comfortably puts his arms around her. Now, 1st point is it’s difficult to point out the guy in this ad.

If you’ve had any experience even closer to this, do tell me in comments, but the “Ultra-Gay” event depicted in the Ad is never supposed to happen (Although I wish a hug was that cheap 😉 ).

It’s kind of disappointing to see the quality of Ads. I remember and miss the days of Ads like “Wonderful Doodh”, “Nerolac”, “Dairy Milk”.

Once in a while we see good ads today. But the pace with which the concentration is shifting towards attracting girls/women in Advertisements is awful. India is a country which rides on waves. Amitabh Sneezes one morning and the whole India goes out of their minds. Be it cricket, be it Anna Hazare/Lokpal bills, Orkut/facebook: We always overdo things. This new wave riding teenagers’ mind: Having a girlfriend/boyfriend, I gotta tell ya fellas, its completely overrated. 😀

Oh, you wanna smash me in comments, go on talk about forever alone. I won’t blame you lot. But think over the point. Sometimes its good to give a little exercise to young chap. Let’s wear our thinking hats shall we.

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Peace out!

Edit: One of my friends took offence on calling that South Indian movie “Dumb”. Whilst I appreciate his scrupulous eye, on the other hand I want to clarify, I can call any movie “Dumb” I want. It’s not regionally adherent, but believe me or not, most of the movies made today ARE DUMB. So, southies don’t need to take any offence here, alright? Peace out!