Weendows of mistakes # 1

I woke up from a horrible dream of Ekta Kkaaappooorr to some voices. At first what seemed like a box, it started meddling and jumping around.
A box! Awfully awake in a sudden pinch of amazement, my eyes opened to 180 degree hoping to find reality in the para visioning aperture. No use. It didn’t stop what it was doing. Leapfrogging my room.

Gathering some courage, I got up, yanked my self out of bed and tried to get off the room. The Thing sprang into action and blocked my way in tandem. Before I began comprehending what can that humansize box may be, it started unwinding and unhinging itself. I was put to the most horrific experience till date. May be I am going to have a devil right away in my home and (H)india TV is going to have another story for its audience.

The Thing™ kept unfolding itself, systematically tearing off the pieces. A Ghost? Devil? My Manager? AT last, I saw it.

The Shining surface of The Thing™ reflected in the sunlit room. It was so gorgeous to look upon. Couldnt believe at first it is a ROBOT! I’ve got an Iron Man snail mailed to my room this morning!

It had even a display at the chest. Suddenly a prompt appeared on the screen, and something like loading bar started filling out. The Thing™ was booting up!!

A message appeared next,

“Press nose, left ear and head to begin.”

For some reason it felt terribly familiar. Anyhow, slave of my bewilderment, I did. A message flashed next on the screen :

“Welcome and congratulations for choosing Huma(n)bot 1.5. Powered by Meecrosoft Weendows Xp, the amazing performancesm brought at your doorstep. Press start to begin.”

Now it wasnt awful anymore. Rather it was getting creepy. The only thing I saw running Meecrosoft Weendows XP were the 64 MB super slow computers of my school. Can it run this much a big thing? It looks clear, beautiful, so windows like. 😉
I guess, I will want to go dream Ektaa Kkkappooorr Anytime again. 😀

I pressed start button. Nothing happened. A message appeared
“hourglassing. Please wait…”

“Hourglassing is a revolutionary Meecrosoft Weendows Feature that helps you make coffee, get sleep and go on for a walk, while meecrosoft loads a website for you. At meecrosoft we call this Randomizing Behaviour Sequencing technology.”
So weendows like, all big names!

Atlast I saw it working! It blurted out :

“Hello, Master. How may I help you?”

“What can you do? What do I call you?” I said, still perplexed what use a weendows running 1 ton crap can be put use to.

“My OS can work out your reports, check mail, make you coffee, manage multimedia, networking and drive you to office.”

“Can you clean my toilet?”

“Fatal Exception occurred. You are requested to strike a sledge hammer if it doesnot respond. Please do not click on Don’t send error report if at all you see the dialogue box. ”
It explains why everything Meecrosoft gets from customers are just frustrating reports of error dumps. 😀

I went on to reboot it several times to atlast get it to speak again. I tested it with making coffee for me, which, it eventually did, almost right. If we leave the sugar-replaced-by-salt thing. 😉

In evening, I again ordered it to make a coffee for me. I was this close to beat this thing in rubbles, when the screen flashed the message like :

“Your Coffee Maker 0.0.0.0.1 Always-Beta version is expired. Please buy the full version or get the hell outta here!”

To be continued… 🙂

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5 ways to Show you’re a Computer Nerd ;-)

Ever fascinated you being a nerd? People who talk hard and ubiquitous? People whom you fantasize piled up beneath tech-manuals and snapped in the bedrooms and basements? If you’re the one who believes in gain without pain of becoming an actual nerd, there’s a short-cut. So, here are 5 caveats of achieving your dream mark! Have fun!

1. Never learn anything more than just a few names about computers, the guys who know everything, don’t really talk hard. 😀 Be stupid, talk a nerd.

2. Go to orkut, facebook.. Join some tech-stuff communities with a profile which shows your name in creepy symbols which are necessarily unreadable on most systems, and upload a pik that nobody knows about! piks with search terms as Matrix, Hacked! are a pretty good place to start. Grab some topics, and talk as much rubbish as you can. Write stuff like hacking mails and blah blah, that real hackers never do. But, guess what, Who the hell cares!! All that the world cares about hacking is knowing how to dwindle in some fellow man’s email account, which even he himself doesn’t care to check!

3. Start abusing microsoft, even if you don’t have the “bowls” to use other (difficult) softwares and OS’s. If you are to show you’re a nerd, you’d have to abuse microsoft. There is no other way! 🙂

4. Copy paste some creepy-looking, techno-sounding one liners from google into status and buzz lines of your accounts, like-
“Linux is for networking, Mac is for working, Windows is for solitaire.”
It makes others think where the hell he got that. (Ofcourse, nobody, even real nerds can’t create these. Respect “THEIR” limits as well. ;-))And there you are, a super-computer-nerd!

5. If you decide to share this post with your mates over social networking sites with comments on top like, LMAO and ROFL, you’ve just proved how great a computer nerd you are!! So, go ahead!

P.S. >> Bye the way, if you don’t know what the words LMAO and ROFL mean……..

You better be learning them first. Real nerds never write good and clean english! Only real-hackers do! It’s more fun to be a computer nerd than to be a computer hacker!

“Hacking” is not a profession or just plain adventure, it’s a way of life for those who experience it. Respect them and the word itself. Please help world understand what Hacking comprises of. It’s not about just cracking emails and sniffing over others stuff. Its way ahead, beyond those things. It need not be related only to computers. A Hacker is something more abstract, more extensive, rather universal way of life. You’ll never find hackers in cheap orkut communities and facebook pages. Stop illuding yourself and others. Respect the privacy of people. Spread this movement. Hacking is an art. Computer programming is a religion. Maths is our god. Lets spread the word. Its our world!!

Yet Another open source Mogul : Android

15 days spent with my samsung android phone, and guess what, every second there’s something new unfurled! Released first on 5th Nov 2007, the Android operating System has started not only to make its mark, but has educed out of Just-An-Operating-System.

Few things I observed about the Android OS I would like to put across. This is not some reference kind stuff. Its just good observations.

First few days, my complete concentration and interest was streched towards Market feature, as you are being provided with the courtesy of finding atleast 5-6 apps no matter how specific your requirements and search terms are.. Most of them are free and pretty sophisticated. Be it games like wordup!, or site – specific prisms for orkut and facebook, or even more spohisticated apps like this Barcode Scanner , it seems like there’s no limit to the sophistication and customization and Gear-ization for this OS. And thats exactly what you get when you choose to have open source, free to use software. If you are interested what the super-hacker Richard Stallman has to say about why the softwares should always be free, I personally advice you to watch this video :

Apart from a very rich and ever increasing library of apps for almost every practical (and sometimes impractical :)) purpose, Android is built around a strong yet small Linux kernel, which lets your device make most of the hardware available (RAM and processor power).
The apps and other processes never close themselves, instead they just stumble around in the foreground and background, enabling it to remember the last operation or state at which you left the process. The next time you start the same app, chances are really high you’ll find them in the same state, making hour glassing times least!

Another really interesting and powerful feature of the Android comes from the shear design of the operating system. Its very easy to develop apps for this platform and guess what, the apps are even allowed to call each other’s features or the whole apps, merging into each other’s functionalities to create a very rich user experience. In case if its not clear with my bad language, here’s a video from the developers of the android itself, explaining a concept which is called
Apps without Borders“. >>

I am sure, by this time you have got a pretty good idea what Android is, and if I am successful, you’d be trying open source and free softwares, if you are not using them already.
If this post has been of help, I’d love to hear comments.