Hip – Hop Office Jargons – 3

Folks!

As we all know how famous a writer I am when it comes to documenting the oldest of the jargons being used around in office. I am not going to disappoint you, and here I am back with all the flying word-o-nama again. Here we go again:

Office Jargon

Please advice :

This is a short hand, good looking notation for “This is your job, not mine, moron.”

 

Please check :

Now get your ass to work on it right now.

 

After analyzing the issue :

We haven’t actually done anything substantial on the issue. But we can’t say that directly. So, instead, we went on and analyzed the issue, because that’s something you can’t measure and we will have something to show in place of actual work.

Β 

Thanks and Regards

No Jargon this time. It’s called a signature. You put it when you finish writing. So did I. Grow up, guys. πŸ˜€

 

That about sums up for this bulletin on jargon. Hail burrows!!

This was part 3 of the series Office Jargon.

For part 1 : Click Here.

For Part 2 : Click Here.

Standard Office Jargons : 1

For those who go to office, I hope this would make a little sense. πŸ˜‰ Ever since I came into this office thing, I was trying to understand what hidden meanings are behind the standard jargons being spoken, and believe me, its no less than Dan Brown trying to track the holy Grail!
so, off we go :
***Β Can you please… Β  ***
Do not EVER think that the person is trying to be courteous to you. This sentence traces back its origin in the cliche we are tought on the day first of our training no matter what company you get started with. This just means that the person writing the mail doesnt has to think something new everytime he writes a new mail, which is a plenty if he’s a manager. πŸ˜‰
*** Looking into this..! Β ***Β 
This dangerous and frightful sentence warns you on behalf of replier that “He’s got no fucking idea about what you are talking about and you should stop expecting, or give him\her enough time to let her figure out how to deligate it to someone else, just like you did. πŸ˜›
I wonder sometimes whats so intense in the matter to look into, and after 15 mins, you get, “Still looking into it, and it’s very beautiful.” πŸ˜€ For god’s sake, Its a matter!
*** Please Join the Conversation/Bridge/Conference call… ***
These sentences have as horrible reasons as the synonyms to get you on your toes and Realize that your good day is over, instantly.
I feel like it being Colloseum, where big (and useless) people talk over some god knows what matter and fix some god knows what went wrong thing. Finding myself complacent when I come alive out of such things, I will never be able to look back and realize what the hell we were trying to fix in that tug of war telephonic Gladiatoronics! πŸ˜€
*** Β Adding/ + / looping/… Β  ***
Adding a Whole new person/team to the longest of email coversations (read it transfer of responsibility) in one flash and attaching some most irrelevant mails to the already existing nonsense is another downright absurd thing one could be subject to. If you are that person, I suggest you call your home/honey to say you will be late for dinner, coz you ain’t going nowhere now, nigga. πŸ˜‰
More to come… >
Edit : Please click here for part-2

Of vacations and offices..

Coming back from vacations is the secondmost horrible thing in this world, coz, personally I think there is no substitute for a job in software
industry itself. πŸ˜‰ Especially when you had a terrible night travelling in the bus just above one of the tyres, which give you a jerky feeling of being in
the vehicle even after you’ve come down to home.
The number of days in the vacations follow inverse square law, i.e., the frustration and indignation is inversely proportional to the time remaining
in going back to office.[ Maybe a pressure volume relationship, corresponding to manager-employee of only one can dominate, usually the former. :D]

Today, when I came down to aisle in my office, too many thoughts were swaying past my mind. Too many mails, too many eyes
asking “WHERE WERE YOU???!!!”, a strong sixth sense to run away from this place, which turns out like a haunting in just 7 days.. you know, its
really bad to return. πŸ˜‰ and, ironically, the urge to go out on vacation is strongest when you’ve just came from one. πŸ˜‰
Turning off that Out of Office assistant gives you the same exact feeling which you felt turning it on, except its opposite. It’s all bound to start again.
Yes.

GL comes to you only first of his sentence caressing you with usual “How was your vacation?” as if a ventriloquist tells “get ready to screw up, dickhead”. May be he is aware of the fact that you are going to spend (waste) your next 1-2 hours reading mails and arranging them just like warming up. I call it “Opening your Dukaandaari” πŸ˜›

Your mind constantly reverts back to home, friends, of all the free time, wondering when’s the next time I am gonna do it again.
Life is a mix up of good and bad, they say, but why the hell good things last less? πŸ™‚ It’s all but a matter of thinking. yes, its not. Its for real, atleast that’s what it feels like on the first day of office. O:-)
Enough to frustrate today, I hope this cures down me for another 3 months… πŸ˜€